Stay Cool

In her latest book Another Kind of Freedom, Pema Chodron talks of "hot boredom" and "cool boredom." I have been caring for my husband for several months as he undergoes two knee replacements. His recovery has been intense and full of complications that have added to his pain and lengthened the recovery time. I have extended my stay with hiim twice, taking leave from the corporate job to devote myself to his recovery. He is agitated, in pain, restless and bored. The Buddhists would call this hot boredom.

Boredom, Pema suggests, is an undoing of the ego's attempt to avoid the present moment. It is an important step in acceptance. The trick, Pema elaborates, is to turn hot boredom into "cool boredom." She compares this to a mountain river or waterfall. The water flows. It does not tire of its constant flow. It is an acceptance of routine, boredom, the present moment without yearning to be anywhere but here.

When Mike deals with his "hot boredom" (he is neither a Buddhist nor a meditator, and he's in ALOT of pain. I recognize this state could last a LONG time), I am exploring cool boredom.

I moved from a vibrant city to a sleepy rural mountain town to care for Mike. Post surgery I am available 24/7-nursing, icing, feeding, massaging, driving, bathing. When I am unable to leave him alone, I feel a little landlocked. I can read, do housework, maybe a jigsaw puzzle, but my personal freedom is limited and I have few friends in this small community.

Yet I have come to this new acceptance of the present, a rediscovery of quiet downtime. I appreciate sleep and rest. I sit on the back deck and listen to the birds, notice the daily changes as the intense Colorado sun rapidly cools down in the evenings. A doe gave birth behind my yard and she visits with the baby fawn. One evening a red fox stood ten feet from me and gazed into my eyes for what seemed like a full minute before it turned and ran off.

I had mentally prepared to let go of any preconceived personal needs and focus on my husband's healing. I meditated each day on becoming a channel of peace and healing.

And of course I realized....This is emotionally hard. Seeing your loved ones suffer with the uncertainty or recovery is hard. Groundhog Day. Is it getting better? Maybe. Maybe not. I can leave and walk the dog, bike to the grocery store, play pickleball or practice yoga. He cannot.

A new neighbor told me about her son. When he was a young man, at his own bachelor party, he suffered a wrestling accident that left him a quadriplegic. He's been living now 15 years in an unexpectedly changed body.

How does he handle the suffering and boredom from these intense physical constraints?

In my cool boredom, I become more present with my own healing, emotional strength, purpose.

What if? My body was completely immobile? Where would my mind reach out to? Could I live a full and meaningful life? What if all we really have is a connection to one another, the ability to love that transcends our ability to "do?"

We are here on earth so briefly, and there are so many lessons to learn in Earth School-here in relationship to one another.

A psychic told me many years ago that my life's purpose was to quiet my mind.

Cool boredom is a step on the path.

May you know happiness and the root of all happiness, avoid suffering and the root of all suffering and ....stay cool.